we didn't start the fire

The other day I was nonchalantly searching some job websites when I concurrently started to smell smoke and hear the familiar wailing of sirens. Realizing the at times 'questionable' condition of my building, I opened the door to the hallway to make sure there was indeed no fire in our kitchen. No fire to be found, but there was smoke (I hear that where there is smoke there is fire, oh I guess the fire could be elsewhere) so my flatmates and I evacuated the building to find not one, not two, but three firetrucks outside of our door. Luckily it was not our flat ablaze, but rather the fried chicken shop which we live above. (You might find it odd that I live above a fried chicken shop but there is an overabundance of fried chicken shops in London so actually the chances of living above one are not all that minute.) And it wasn't so much ablaze, but there was an abundant amount of smoke billowing out of the front doors.

At the end of the day, no one was hurt and there wasn't too much damage--the worst our flat suffered was a little bit of an annoying smoky scent for the next day or two. It did make for an exciting morning, but actually more than the event itself it got me thinking about all those times I thought about the 'what if there is a fire scenario'. It wasn't until the four of us were sitting in a cafe while the smoke was clearing from our flat that we realized I was the only one who had grabbed my purse. The other three were empty handed, one hadn't even bothered to put a coat on. Perhaps this was not exactly an emergency situation, but it could have been. So maybe in the situation of your house being on fire in reality you would not really grab anything at all--this is probably a good thing. I, on the other hand, had grabbed my purse as well as put on some trousers and a sweater. I don't think this is a good thing. Then again the smoke alarm in our flat did not go off (this in itself is alarming), so maybe I never got that hit of adrenalin one needs to instigate that feeling of panic.

When I mentioned that no one else had grabbed anything from their rooms as they left, one flatmate expressed true concern. He would make a sign for his door: IN CASE OF FIRE, REMEMBER YOUR STUFF.

new car, caviar, four-star daydream

Money, it's a drag.

With my recent banking issues, an increased rent (in more ways than one) due to moving to London, and some recent, extremely frustrating details of my last tenancy, I am getting increasingly annoyed with money. Not having much of it I can deal with. Live simply, don't eat out much, wear clothes from when you were in high school, not know how to turn the heating on, and traverse in shoes that have so many holes any amount of precipitation on the ground will soak them through almost instantly. I can deal with what many in America would consider fairly humble living.

I'm interning and volunteering now for some NGOs, of course this is unpaid. There are issues with that as it is and I understand that it is my choice to make this sacrifice in order to get into the development sector for my career. I do the odd job here and there and ends are met, but I do not see that happening past January. I don't want to focus my effort and what I do on money, but it seems to creep up all the time. It is beyond just the stress and hurt pride, it affects relationships as well as the size and number of hurdles to what you can achieve in life. It makes me angry and sometimes even hate people regardless of their true character. Ornateness and luxury I can do without, but money stands in the way of me seeing my close friends and family--those things are important, and certainly more important than money.

It is an enabler and an impediment, but I would rather focus on the goal rather than the means. Unfortunately it seems that it cannot be helped.

my favorite things

Things I am looking forward to in New York/on my New York trip next week:

1. Being DONE with my dissertation (!)
2. Reunining with so many great people
3. Shopping
4. Relative cheapness
5. Food
6. Going on vaation somewhere where English is the primary language
7. Showing Jon (continental) America
8. Warmth
9. Re-re-re-visitng New York and seeing if my growing fondness of London will
translate to another giganta-city
10. My first experience as a bridesmaid

what the hey

The last few weeks have just come and gone as one big blurry, nebulous blob. I feel like my dissertation is slowly killing me and my brain. I'm amazed at how much it has affected me. A couple of weeks ago I went to a Radiohead concert and I didn't really get that excited buzz that I think I normally would until just before the concert. On the day of the show I was pretty calm and collected--that's really saying something about the numbing affect of my dissertation. Length-wise, it isn't actually that bad, has to be between 8,000-12,000 words, but it has been going really, painfully slow. Long, drawn-out assignments...what a pain.

On top of that, it has had the additional effect of disillusioning me about statistical analysis within the social sciences. Do these number honestly really say anything?? I can see why my brother has so much faith in engineering/math, but seriously, the minute you try and apply those things to human behavior in the real world, I'm not sure it is all that helpful. Square peg in a round hole.

news since Popeye's: update on England

I'm pretty terrible at blogging, it's a fact. The last post was about heading to England, so I'll try to do a brief roundup of what has been going on since then...

1) School's great, actually and I'm really happy about my decision to come to the UK for my studies. The professors and the classes are by-and-large really interesting and I have learned a whole lot about development (oh, I am studying international development...and that's not business, by the way). It has been insightful to learn about all these aspects of development, but at the same time scrutinizing your own field to the extent that most of my courses do really forces me to think about what it is I'm doing and if it really is the right thing to do. My intentions are good, I don't doubt that, but then again so have a lot of people who've worked in the field before me. It's hard to see the smaller accomplishments when the meta-level is so filled with disappointment. This is just the first round of questioning, I'm sure there will be a lot more in the future as red tape, bureaucracy, and a lot of other hurdles complicate things extensively.

On a purely academic level development is really intriguing. Since it is interdisciplinary, it touches on so many other facets of academia--anything from new public management to postmodernism. It certainly keeps things interesting and I can see how people get 'stuck' in the academic world, never wanting to get into the nitty-gritty groundwork where ideals are often bypassed for results. Then again, for a lot of people, results are more pressing.

Schedule-wise, I've just got a dissertation to do this summer and then I will theoretically be done (results come a few months later). I've still got one paper to hand in next week and then I'll have to take an exam in May for my compulsory modules. Three months of intensive reading and writing...well, that's what it's supposed to be. Anyone want to visit this summer?!

2) I've been working as a waitress for this restaurant owned by a big name in England (at the Norwich City Football Club), Delia Smith and things are okay. The food is good and the hours are extremely flexible, but I am thinking of applying to some more challenging/different jobs for the summer. Then there's the whole issue of 'real' work once I graduate. I'm going to have to really get those applications in this summer. The job market's not so good, but we'll see how it goes. And no, I have no idea where I will be! Just depends on what's available and what will work. I can technically stay in England and work for a year after my student visa expires so that gives me some room to maneuver. Scary to be plan-less at this point, but it also means a lot of possibility.

3) Um, I went to Morocco recently, but I'll dedicate an entry to that...eventually.

Hope you are healthy and happy.

mid-transit to London

Fact about Hong Kong Airport that I did not know: It has a Popeyes.

A mutha-f***ing Popeyes.

I am happy.

home.

Back on Guam now and I’m re-re-adjusting after an onslaught of visitors from Japan. First came Heidi and Sara, two fellow JETs (one ex-JET) who stayed for a week to experience the unique place that is Guam, soak up the sun, get some shopping in, and eat a lot of good grub. About a week and a half after that came Makiko, a friend of mine who moved from the town where I worked to the bustling metropolis that is Osaka. She was only here for three days, but we certainly packed in the activities and she managed to outlast me—I have no idea where she got all that energy from! Must be the collagen drinks or the Shiseido makeup.

Also been occupying my time by working at an ice cream parlor. It’s pretty easy and laid back most of the time, great for a summer job. Only thing is the temptation of the ice cream—thank goodness we’re only ‘officially’ allowed to sample a little at a time. In between these big events I’ve been attending weddings (3 in two weeks!), taking pictures with (or being an assistant to) Lani (check out her new blog), and partaking in the usual social scene on Guam. Been nice to catch up and spend time with family and friends as it has been a whole year since I saw many of them.

So, what’s the next step? Well, England—Norwich to be exact. I’ll be attending the University of East Anglia in the fall to pursue my MA in International Development. It’s going to be weird being back at school, but I’m excited about the material. All those essays, so little time….